Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
