Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
