So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
