Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
