I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
