Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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