Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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