All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
