There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
