i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize