rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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