I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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