Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize