when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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