You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
