So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
