I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I died a long time ago.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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