You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
