Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
