Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Come share oat with me in your robe
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
