she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
