If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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