I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
