We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
two words: eviction party
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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