I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize