True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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