Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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