Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
