We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
