We won't sleep together?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
