I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize