my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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