I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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