No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
