I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
