its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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