that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize