I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
