wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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