Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
