Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
