omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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