I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
