I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
