If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize