it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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