I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize