Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
