i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
