i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
