I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I cockslap morals
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
