The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
