we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
