She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
