he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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