Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
