i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
