wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
