you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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