quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize