your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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