My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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