google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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