its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
