Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
