btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize