; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
