well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
