Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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