Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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