Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
