I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
