he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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