Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
