I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize