I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
