he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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