There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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