Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
