He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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