We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize