Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
