Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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