Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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