sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
