I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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