i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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