you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
