the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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