you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
