I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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