Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
