I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
